could you be loved and be loved ?

dissecting one of Bob Marley's greatest hits & reflecting on love

When I was thirteen, I sang the song “Could You Be Loved” by Bob Marley with my School of Rock band. At the time, I didn’t comprehend the context behind which the song was written, nor its profound meaning, but I did sing each word with conviction, infusing my own soulful style into each note. Little did I know that love would become an integral thesis in my life, and this song would find its way back to me years later in a book of reflections, written by someone I love deeply, begging me to revisit its timeless message.

Bob Marley not only poses an important question in this song but a challenge - can we truly allow ourselves to love and be loved? In order to answer this question honestly, we must first understand what love is and what it is not -

Love is NOT:

• A fleeting feeling or emotion, though we may feel the presence of love in our hearts

• Simply romantic, though it is most often referred to this way in music, movies, and media

• Something we can buy, though we are constantly inundated with marketing tactics that aim to convince us otherwise

• Easy, though we may want it to be

• Manipulative or abusive, though someone may use the guise of love to justify manipulative or abusive behavior

• Selfish, though society trains us to believe that love is transactional - that relationships are about what we can get from someone else

So what IS love, then?

• Active: Love is a conscious choice and practice. It requires work and commitment, intention and follow through, an action that requires will.

  • “Love is ‘the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.’ It requires care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.” ~ Scott Peck & Bell Hooks

  • “Love without action is like clay without a sculptor - it alone is without form and requires work to embody its intention. Love with intention alone is like an inhale - only part of a process that breathes life into motion. Love is not a feeling. Love is not hope. It is an action.” ~ Gabi Abrão

• Consistent: Love is showing up consistently, both for yourself and for others. Discipline is a critical measure of love, as it is exhibits the conscious decision to choose love over and over again.

  • “Discipline and devotion are necessary to the practice of love. Scott Peck writes: ‘Whether it be shallow or not, commitment is the foundation, the bedrock of any genuinely loving relationship. Deep commitment does not guarantee the success of the relationship but does help more than any other factor to ensure it.’ Anyone who is truly concerned for the spiritual growth of another knows, consciously or instinctively, that he or she can significantly foster that growth only through a relationship of constancy.” ~ Bell Hooks, All About Love

  • “To love somebody is not just a strong feeling - it is a decision, it is a judgement, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. Feeling comes and it may go.” ~ Bell Hooks, All About Love

  • “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” ~ Albert Ellis

• Selfless: Love is a selfless act. It is unconditional. It requires nothing, demands nothing, and expects nothing. True love is given freely without expecting anything in return.

  • “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4

  • “The love we give away is the only love we keep.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

• Vulnerable: Love is risky. It requires you to renounce your fear of pain and suffering in order to open yourself up to its possibilities. It requires courage to love fully and openly.

  • “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.” ~ C.S. Lewis

  • “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

  • “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

• Universal: Love is the underlying force that connects all that exists. It is an energy that permeates through every aspect of life and shapes everything we do. It is a state of being we can embody and an unlimited resource we can call upon at anytime.

  • “When I say I love you, I am loving me in you.” ~ Clarice Lispector, A Breath of Life

  • “Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” ~ James Baldwin

  • “Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe and transcends all boundaries” ~ Deepak Chopra

• Everything: Love is everything. It is the most powerful force in the world that gives life meaning. It is the foundation on which we are able to build loving relationships with ourselves and others to create community and connection. It is the birthplace of creativity, expression, and joy. Love is everywhere, all the time, and ours to practice proudly, boldly, and whole-heartedly.

  • “Where there is love there is life.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

  • “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit” ~ Khalil Gibran

  • “Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

So, could you be loved, and be loved? This song is an invitation that asks us to reflect on our own capacity to love. Are we willing to be open to the vulnerability of love? Can we love ourselves, even when we feel unworthy? Can we love others, even when it’s difficult? Are we willing to do the work of practicing unconditional love towards ourselves, towards others?

This question is repeated many times throughout the song, reminding us that love is not something that can be attained overnight. It is something we need to practice daily - a conscious choice we make again and again and again.

In between repetitions, Marley offers several important reminders that reiterate why love is so important:

• “Don't let them fool ya, or even try to school ya! We’ve got a mind of our own..” - From the moment we are born into this world, we are conditioned to think, act, and believe a certain way. People, society, and corporations will always try to convince us to be who they want us to be, but Marley reminds us that we need to trust our own minds and our own hearts to be who we really are - to love ourselves exactly as we are, rather than conforming to what others want us to be.

• “Love would never leave us alone, ay in the darkness there must come out the light” - He further emphasizes that love is not a fleeting feeling - it doesn’t come and go - it is always there. It is a guiding force that we can call upon at anytime. It is the light that carries us through even the most challenging times, and the foundation upon which we can ground ourselves time and time again. He reminds us that love is constant and critical in overcoming hardship.

• “The road of life is rocky and you may stumble too, so while you point your fingers someone else is judging you” - To love is to be compassionate - both to ourselves and to others. One of the greatest acts of love is showing compassion through forgiveness and non-judgment. We are all imperfect, and making mistakes is an inevitable and important part of life, so it is equally important to extend grace to others, just as you would to yourself. But you can only extend as much grace to others as you are able to give yourself.

• “Don’t let them change ya, or even rearrange ya” - Authenticity is at the heart of love, and Marley reminds us of this potent truth once again. One of the greatest challenges we face in this life is staying true to who we are. This line offers another invitation to resist the temptation to fit into the boxes that others will try to put us in. To love ourselves is to be who we are, despite what anyone else says.

• “Only the fittest of the fittest shall survive, stay alive” - This line is all about resilience. Love is an inherently vulnerable act that requires courage, humility, compassion, and above all - resilience. Life is hard and will continue to present challenges that require strength, persistence, and love to overcome. Marley encourages us to keep fighting to survive - to stay alive - because life is worth fighting for. Love is worth fighting for and will always be there to lift us up and propel us forward.

• “SAY SOMETHING” - The song ends with a powerful call to “Say Something” - to speak your truth, stand up for what you believe in, and make your voice heard. It is a call to love freely, openly, and loudly. It is a call to resistance, in a world that is designed to silence, shame, and condemn people for being who they are. And above all, it is a reminder that love requires action - so say something, do something, take action in the name of love.

When I was thirteen, belting out the words “could you be loved, and be loved?” to a room full of strangers, I had no idea how important that question would become in my life and how often I would return to it. Love has always been the driving force behind everything that I do. It is what I value most and what I am most fascinated by. It is the place from which I always intend to think and act. It is the foundation of the strength I’ve cultivated within that saves me from myself time and time again. I am constantly in practice with love and reflecting on how I can move through the world with more love flowing in, out, and all around me. I have found life to be most abundant when I am in a state of love - when every word that leaves my lips feels like love, when every thought that swirls through my mind reflects love, when every action I take is performed out of love. Love is the ultimate truth and the ultimate challenge and one I am whole-heartedly committed to studying and embodying. So yes, Mr. Marley, I believe I can be loved, and I aim to prove it to myself and to the world every day. I am the love of my life. I am love.